In a moment there’s the buzzing of my phone.
The screen lights up. I can see my tear-spotted cheeks and grass-high eyes lit up against the wall.
His name is glowing on the screen.
Not a thought runs through my rattled mind before I grab the device.
“What does he want?”
I snarl to no one. My hands are shaking. My head suddenly hurts. My eyes are tired.
It’s like my heart drops when what he says becomes clear through the tears.
‘I miss you.’
I could feel my heart snap.
My body trembles and a sob I can’t control echoes from my larynx.
The tears now burn.
Barely anything conscious forms when I start typing.
It’s all gibberish.
So many times I go back and retype the message.
‘Get lost.’
‘Go away.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘That’s your own fault.’
Go away, go away, go away.
I want him to leave, so this pain will stop.
So these tears will stop.
So everything falls back to normal.
I so badly want him back.
But my hands are moving on their own now.
‘You shouldn’t have left if you miss me. I don’t miss you.’


Allasandra Buckner – Apperceive


How well do you know me?
Can you tell me my fears?
Maybe my favorite color?
Or my age in years?

Can you tell me what I’ve said?
Can you tell me what I’ve done?
Who I said it to?
Where I’m from?

I’m sure you know most of these…
Maybe you’ve misunderstood.
I’m not so innocent…
I’m something of a no-good.

Here’s a secret you didn’t know..
That little girl back in ’08,
You know who I’m talkin’ ’bout
That one in Bull Lake…

She was swimming and drowned abruptly,
Was it an accident? No.
I was there- holding her down,
Kicking and engulfed screams- not letting go.

That’s just one incident but,
Remember that terrorist attack?
People like to call it 9/11…
I let them on the plane- and never looked back.

There’s fixations you should believe
But things you refuse to.
Like, how could I be so cruel?
Better yet, have I done anything to you?

I admit, I have, yes, it’s true.
Those sweaty, screaming nightmares…
Should I stop telling you?
I had a hand in that- you were unaware.

I watched you lay still,
You were unable to stir.
I caressed your leg- your cheek,
You thought of me as the whisperer.

Those fires everywhere-
Are they threatening your palace?
I held the lit match
I watched with such malice.

I viewed the houses burn,
That fire reflected in my eyes.
The heat licked my smile
Yes, all me, just in disguise.

Who am I, you ask?
Nobody simplistic, that’s for sure.
I induce fear in the world,
But I can be a cure.

Without me, there would be no fight.
You wouldn’t risk your life.
I am adrenaline and purpose,
I’m the reason you grab the knife.

Actually… I lied.

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