Dear Dad, Why?

Went shopping together:
Boot Barn, Buckle, Barnes & Noble.
Blasted to the same music:
banda, old corridos, new releases.
Went on food runs:
Chick-fil-A, Canes, Chipotle.
Spilled tea at Starbucks.
Planned to travel the whole world together.
You supported my crazy ideas: bungee jumping,
skydiving, purpling my hair.
Liked going on ice cream runs
just because I love ice cream.
Everytime you picked me up from track practice
you surprised me with a Reese’s cup
or Lime Gatorade. You would remind me
how beautiful I was
even on the days I felt ugly.

But you hurt me:

Halloween night.
Dancing with you like usual
until your unwanted kisses,
uncomfortable touching.
I remember the chemical smile
under your vampire face paint
smeared from coke below the nose.
Mom believed me
Always believed me.

It happened more than once.
You promised to change
but didn’t.

I forgave you.
When will I be able to see you
without a tear going down my face?
When will I stop remembering
your groping hands crushing
the trust I had for you?

When will I wake up from sleeping
just so I wouldn’t
lose myself in my head.

“God’s plan is worth the wait.”
Which parts of His plan will untie
this tight knot in my throat?

You scared away the little girl of my happy childhood.
You can still see a smiling, laughing girl in the scars.