HAPPY HOLLANDAISE FROM CACTI FUR

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS ~by Tim Staley

All I want for Christmas is a french kiss that lasts the rest of my life

All I want for Christmas is really a french kiss that lasts the rest of my life even when i’m sleeping, or grieving, or engaged in figuring out my taxes, or at the grocery store choosing avocados, pushing into them with my thumb, picking off the plug to see if they’re green inside

All I want for Christmas is my baby teeth in the place of my adult teeth because small, petite things are sexy

All I want for Christmas is to drop a hip hop album so gangsta they scrub all my cusses out

All I want for Christmas is to trade this guilty feeling of chicken bones poking through my intestines for anything else

All I want for Christmas is the Bible boiled down to a single SLAM poem, 3 minutes, no exceptions, no props, look me in the eye

All I want for Christmas is for love to feel the way it used to

All I want for Christmas is for sex to creep from the gutter like 3 tired, old raccoons

All I want for Christmas is for Martin Luther King to be celebrated

All I want for Christmas is the same Santa

All I want for Christmas are the lies to be true but never vice versa

All I want for Christmas is canned cranberry to be better than homemade

All I want for Christmas is this poem to reflect me and how I’m feeling, like really feeling, even though all I do is choose and follow the best I can

All I want for Christmas is to be smart, witty, acerbic, and adorable all in the first take like Lil Wayne in 10th grade

All I want for Christmas is my own prescription to anxiety pills so I can stop stealing my dog’s

All I want for Christmas is the ability to digest bad news and good news like a dog eats dog food

All I want for Christmas is Richard Branson to hug Southern New Mexico and not let go first

All I want for Christmas in terms of white dudes is Rip van Winkle and Mr. Clean

All I want for Christmas is for my internet to go down forever

All I want for Christmas is to be ok with it

All I want for Christmas won’t sit still

All I want for Christmas won’t come from the things adults do on film when they’re filming adult films

All I want for Christmas is to be there first like the hands of a clock

All I want for Christmas is dopamine, endorphin, serotonin, oxytocin, a shit-ton of it

All I want for Christmas—please, just one taste


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