Traffic Pointers for Your New Planet

Greetings, alien! You may be wondering how to navigate. A few tips:

Your spaceship requires two parking spaces. You might find a note on your windshield, saying “Learn to park, idiot!” Toss it in the trash.

Avoid the mall. It’s full of crappy stores like American Outfitters and Torrid. Do not eat at Sbarro. The pizza slices look good, but they’ll make you vomit.

Showing your middle finger is a sign of respect, especially when changing lanes during rush hour.

If a cop stops you, explain that you’re from the Land of No Licenses. He’ll let you go with a warning.